The Mind Eater

If you have ever struggled with jealousy, you will know exactly what the title is all about. Jealousy is like a wild beast.  You know it's there, but you feel powerless to stop it.  A friend and I were talking about it just the other day.  It's scary when something triggers it and you get that turning feeling in your stomach...you know, the one you get when you ride a roller coaster.  You know it's there and  you can feel your whole persona change.  You hear noises around you...it's people talking...but you are not paying attention because you are so intently focused on the situation that just happened.  You tell yourself..."No, no, no....don't think like that."  It's too late.  Every thought you have only builds upon the last making everything worse.  You build a wall around your mind, justified in your self-righteousness.  How do I get out of here? Where is the door?  Why can't I see over the wall?  Why can't I just see what everyone else sees?  You feel trapped.  You know what is happening, but you are powerless to stop your mind from decaying into this pit broken hearts, and crushed spirits.  You hurt other people with your words, you ruin good nights, you make yourself look like a fool.  It won't stop.  It keeps coming back.  No matter how much you fight it.  You think it's gone, but like a bad disease, when you turn the corner, there it is again, waiting on your.  Ready to take your mind captive again at the moment you least expect.  It's your nememsis.  How do you defeat it?  In the past my resolve has been to just stop caring.  Apathy.  That seems to be a sure weapon against jealousy.  It's the wrong weapon this time. This time....I want to care.  So I'm searching for the door out.  If you know where it is, let me know.  If I find it before you do, I'll tell you.  I hope I find it soon.  I hope I get out before it's too late.